After having two Margaritas and watching “This Is Us’, Old hurts started resurfacing. Hurts that I can nothing about.
When I started a relationship with my late husband, Brad, a whole new world opened up for me. He was born and raised here in Tucson, Arizona, and therefore, he grew up with a lot of people. A different kind of breed of people, I wasn’t used to. Rich people, business people, people who are well known, authors, big time chefs like, Bobby Flay, doctors, etc. Many befriended me. Mainly because shortly after I started dating him he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and because I love him so much, I married him. I wanted to take care of him. I have no regrets, absolutely none. If you want to know our story CLICK HERE.
But after he died and over three years later, I have no contact with most of them. My relationship with his family has ended. He was best friends with a few people, and I’m only in touch with two of them. Some abandoned me when I needed them the most. Perhaps it was my fault. I guess, I didn’t do grieving very well. I do take some blame, as I was pretty messed up.
What I did discover is that, it’s common for Widows and Widowers to experience abandonment. Mostly it’s because we do things that are unconventional. A lot of us want to survive and get out of the pit of depression. Most of us will do what we have to do to start living again. And you know what? – Do whatever you have to do to move forward. Make no apologies. Click on the quote below to read one of my recent posts.
Those who truly love you, will stick by your side. No matter what. And, thank God, I have many people who truly love me. The others, well…they only befriended me because I was Brad’s wife and, I took care of him in his greatest need. It’s human nature. And honestly, in the past, I would’ve done the same. Others had misconceptions of me. Like I planned the whole thing. ‘Marry a man with cancer so I can get the insurance money’. Little did they know that I cashed out three retirement accounts so he could continue his treatments that weren’t covered by insurance.
Or, maybe they blamed me that I influenced him to go the ‘Natural’ way to try to cure his cancer, instead of getting chemo and radiation to prolong his life. That’s a huge possibility.
There are many things to consider when you get chemo and radiation to prolong your life. Brad did not do well with Chemo and radiation the first go round. He became very ill. He didn’t want to do it again. He did , later on, decide to do radiation again and it put him in such a state that he was dying. But, the ‘Natural’ way didn’t work either.
We fought so hard and he was doing really great until the cancer went to his brain. I do have one thing to say that brings me consolation, and that is, he did have good quality of life. I’m so thankful for that. With chemo and radiation, his last days would have been so much worse.
To be honest, I really don’t know what the answer is.
All I know is that, my heart still hurts with the abandonment. It’s time I deal with it. I keep telling myself that I don’t need them. That I had a good life and people who love me, even before I met Brad. I have a good life now!
I laugh now that I’m thinking about this, Brad’s mom always told me whenever I expressed how I feel, “This isn’t about you, Linda!” I can hear that now!…LOL…But, when is it ever about me?
As of right now, I don’t have the answer. I wish I did. How do I get over this hurt? This is me being vulnerable to you all. I don’t have all the answers, believe me, I don’t.
If you have an answer or solution, please comment below. How do you deal with ‘hurts’ that keep resurfacing?